31 months 13 days

Day 955. Last night I went to bed at 1:30 am. Tammy and Emmy came about the same time. Tammy lay in our bed for a few minutes, and I held Emmy for a few minutes, then he walked back to his bed, and we took Tammy back to her bed. In the morning Emmy came to our bed at 6 am, but he was in and out and active. Sammy soon started crying. By the time we brought him to our bed, it had been so long that it took him a while to calm down. Tammy was also up and running around. At 7:40 I got up as well.

I made breakfast, and we sat down to eat. Then I cleaned them up and dressed them, and we went downstairs, where we read a Bible story. Then I went upstairs and a few minutes later Grandma rang the doorbell. We hadn't seen her in weeks. She went downstairs and started reading a book with the kids. I started working on my desk downstairs. It wasn't long before Emmy came to me and wanted me to hold him.  That's why I don't work downstairs, where they have access to me all the time.

At 11 am Grandma left. Ten minutes later Sonja arrived, and I went upstairs to get cooking. They were really excited to see her and did some crafts together. Just before noon they all came upstairs, and we sat down at the table to eat. They ate relatively well, except for Sammy who did not want to eat again. At least he ate the dumplings he really likes - and dessert. All three had dessert. Then I cleaned them up, we dressed them, and put the boys to bed. It was 12:40. Tammy went downstairs with Sonja. Today they fell asleep quickly; I was able to walk away at 12:50, without ever having held Emmy's hand because I was on my phone communicating with Paul which had to be done right there and then. I went back to work. At 1:15 Tammy went to bed, and she needed some help to fall asleep. By 1:40 she was asleep as well. I went back to work.

At 2:15 Emmy came and lay down on me for 10 minutes, before he got up to go downstairs to Sonja. At 2:30 Randy got Sammy and got ready to leave with him for his physiotherapy session. At 3:15 Tammy walked into the room. She also wanted to go be with Sonja, and so I took her downstairs, together with their snacks. Then I returned upstairs to work. At 4:30 the boys returned and went downstairs. A few minutes later I also went downstairs with my computer to work there. At 5:15 I started making dinner, and twenty minutes later I went downstairs with a Peppa Pig game that had just arrived. I opened it up and tried to teach Tammy who was eager to learn. While I was busy with her, Emmy had ripped one of the pieces of the puzzle. I could hardly believe it! I got some tape to fix it and put the game away. I had no desire to tidy up with them and simply went upstairs.

I decided to lie down for the few minutes that were left until dinner time at 6, and suddenly the weight of a whole bunch of different things going on right now came crashing down on me. It's not easy to just be busy with children and work around the clock and have no free time, no time with friends, and no times of spiritual refreshing, as you're busy with the kids even when you go to church. We were invited to an invitation-only retreat with David Hogan and Heidi Baker in Mexico end of May, but the flights are $5000, so it's unlikely it's gonna work out. I'm sure it would at least be a time of spiritual refreshing. But then even though Tammy and Emmy could be in childcare, Sammy would have to stay with us, meaning that once again we would not be able to concentrate on the meeting.

When everybody came upstairs for dinner, I got up and sat down at the table as well to feed Sammy who has hardly eaten anything all day. Another point of concern. Sonja said her good-byes. None of them ate much at the table. Right now, whenever we tell the kids to do something or not to do something, the answer is "no". I guess it's an age-thing. They went into the bathtub, where they continued eating, then they came out one after another. Tonight they were in bed early, at 6:50 pm. Randy left to go pick up a second-hand train set, and I turned all the lights off so they could fall asleep more easily, and they did seem more sleepy than usual. Samuel was the first one asleep. It took Emmy quite a while still, until 7:40 pm, and Tammy still called me back at 8 pm, when I tried to leave, but a few minutes later I was able to walk away. I got myself something to eat and went downstairs, where I ate, and then returned to work. Randy returned with the toys.  Now  I'm hoping for an early bedtime tonight.